Touch My Body

It took me a while–and a lot of pain–to finally make it into the ring with Cole Cassidy.

He kept ambushing me–and beating on me–and not letting me get into the ring. I could get up to the ring apron, but once there–yeah.

Did I mention he kept taunting me, too? Yeah, there I was, crumpled on the mat outside the ring, my back and abs aching, trying to catch my breath…and then over it all I can hear him sneering at me.

Sneering.

Yeah, I took a lot of shit from him.

But you see–there’s another lesson I learned early in pro wrestling: never go to the well too many times. Cole kept coming back out of the ring and after me…enjoying himself, obviously–and finally his overconfidence (and to be fair, who wouldn’t be overconfident at this point? It’s not like I’d even landed a fucking blow) was his undoing.

I got a great punch into his abs and doubled him over.

And it was time for some goddamned payback.

to be continued

Small Packages

I

So, before I get back to talking about my match with Cole Cassidy, let’s spend some time appreciating him, shall we?

Despite the way his charisma and personality make him seem larger than life on camera–and in pictures–he’s shorter than I am: 5’8 and weighs 166 pounds. Despite the small stature, let me assure you in all my years as a fan, I never noticed his size.

He always loomed large to me.

Maybe it’s the viciousness? Or did giving up size to his opponents turn him vicious? Some mysteries will never be solved.

I am sure no small part of his presence has to do with the extraordinary vascularity of his impressive musculature. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone before (outside of bodybuilding competitions) with such exceptional size and defined so perfectly. Look at the veins roadmapping his quads, his lower abs, arms and shoulders.

Fuck me.

I would literally have to work out every day and exist solely on protein shakes for a year to get that cut and vascular.

The sunglasses are a nice touch, and even when he smiles…you never completely relax…

Plus, he does the evil cowboy look perfectly, and that’s a button for me.

He often surrenders size to his opponents–Mitch Colby, Powergunz, Alexi Adamov and Drew Russell all come to mind, out of the scores of people he’s beaten the shit out of for BGEast–but the advantage you’d think this would give his opponents is negligible.

He can cut an opponent down to size pretty fucking fast.

As I said, before I met and got into the ring with him, he was kind of an idol of mine. He still is–I still enjoy watching him cut some arrogant muscleboy off at the knees and making them whimper and plead for mercy–and after wrestling him, I admired him even more.

TO BE CONTINUED

Mr. Big Stuff

Making Austin Cooper, with his thick, defined muscles and twinkling eyes and terrific smile, look small is not an easy thing to do.

And yet…Cybertron accomplishes this feat with aplomb.

I mean….

One of the most interesting things I’ve discovered over the years is how difficult it is to gauge size with wrestlers, and that is really a credit to the wrestlers themselves first, and to the videography staff at BGEast. Guys who seem to be huge on camera will turn out to be much smaller than I imagined…which is a testament to charisma and star power, really; appearing larger than life when they go in front of the cameras. I’ve always had this sense that Austin is tall and big–because, in still photos, action shots, and on camera, he fills the frame so you can’t take your eyes off him. Based on the first impression I had of him–the match with Jake Jenkins I talked about in an earlier post–I figured Jake was probably around 5’9 and weighed about 180, with Austin a few inches taller at six foot and probably, give or take, 200 pounds. But according to the website, Austin is a mere 5’9, which probably puts Jake a little shorter.

It’s weird to think I’m taller than Austin.

Anyway, this Hunkbash 20 battle between these two beautifully constructed specimens lived up to all my expectations.

For an all out squash (or hunkbash, if  you will) to be entertaining, you need two things: a heel who is good at what he does, and a jobber who is gorgeous and suffers beautifully. It is very easy for these types of matches to become a yawn fest very quickly. There are only so many holds and moves and variations, after all; an unskilled heel will inevitably just start repeating the same moves and holds over and over; a jobber who can’t sell or thinks he’s pretty enough to just lay there and take it without putting any effort into it will spoil a match pretty fucking fast.

But this is not one of those matches; Cooper can pretty much do anything in front of the cameras–I’ve seen him heel with the same flair with which he jobs, and he is as adept in the ring as he is on the mats or in the gazebo or pretty much anywhere he’s put.

And the superb physique doesn’t hurt, nor does the expressive face.

And matching him up with a brutal ringmaster like Cybertron was just simply genius. Cybertron’s hulking size (“you ARE the Brute Squad!”) is, as I’ve said, is impressive enough, and again, big strong hulking heels can depend on their size and a few holds and moves to dominate smaller opponents while putting the viewer to sleep.

Not Cybertron.

He relishes beating the shit out of Austin–that’s very clear very early–and he is incredibly skilled. The holds and moves he uses on Austin are all familiar to the pro wrestling aficionado; but he alters them slightly to make them new and even more painful–a tweak here, a twist there–and this creativity only serves to make this match a classic.

The creative use of the ropes in this match is awe-inspiring.

And they both sweat buckets.

Highly recommended. I’ll be revisiting this match a lot.

Legs

I’ve always been a leg man; I think one of the hottest holds in wrestling is the scissors, whether it’s head or body (I prefer being caught in a head scissors, if I am being completely honest).

So this boy’s legs made me stand up and take notice.

I mean…

I noticed him first on Globalfight. I got one of those your friend so-and-so posted new pictures, you should check them out and so I thought why not and pulled up his profile. He has posted new pictures; action shots with a guy I thought, since I couldn’t get a really good look at him, was Mitch Colby. But then I realized wait, Mitch doesn’t have tattoos on his left arm and looked even more closely; nope, wasn’t Mitch. Mitch, I know from experience, is about six two or three; the friend in the pictures is about six four, and this guy was much shorter than that. Hmmm, I thought, he’s kind of hot.

Flash forward a couple of months and BAM! There he was on the BGEast site: Calvin Haynes (how much do I love that his ring name is two underwear companies?). The resemblance to Mitch wasn’t as pronounced as I’d originally thought, but I started thinking of him as mini-Mitch.

And he has a hot ass to go with those legs.

Nice arms, too.

And he doesn’t shave off his torso hair. I also like that. I also like that he’s more interested in being thick than ripped. I also find that kind of sexy.

And you know, much as I love pro gear, I’ve always regretted not doing a ring match for BGEast in jocks or just flat out nude.

Yeah, I like this kid. I’d also like to experience how brutal his scissors might be; like I said, those are some nice quads.

He also looks damned good in full pro attire. He has the look, doesn’t he? My dick gets hard just looking at this picture. It makes me want to shove him back into that corner and choke him and elbow smash those hairy pecs and then toss him back into the center of the ring for some more fucking torture.

So, I thought I’d check out one of his matches; see if he’s as good as he looks.